So here I am, sitting at this computer screen getting ready to get butt naked!! You just walked in while I’m getting ready to bare it all! I know I shouldn’t be telling you about this, but I must. You just caught me; I’m getting ready to really get naked with this book! I have, at least in my opinion, have had a rather unique weakness, and that is the ability to be transparent about certain perspectives of my life. Most people that know me personally, and have had some interaction with me, know that I have a hard time “faking” certain thing. I have often found it very difficult in life to pretend all is well when things are in disarray. Especially being a “minister” or “preacher” there is often a silent code that “men and women” of the cloth are supposed to adhere to when it comes to the struggles they personally face. We are supposed to show this “perfect” image of ourselves even when we know deep down inside everything is far from perfection! After years of contemplation about this, I’ve decided to go ahead and share my story! For those that may know me personally, a lot of the content in this book will be shocking, and you may be a bit surprised with some of the information I will be sharing, but after coming to some conclusions in life, I felt you all would be ok!
There seriously comes a time in your life when you don’t mind the ridicule for the rewards!
It is a challenge and risk to tell it! A challenge because I am going to expose ME, and that is the risk of it as well…. EXPOSURE. You know that thing that we are at times most uncomfortable with, especially when it involves ourselves. There is often this inner excitement and joy we feel when others that we are not be too fond of, are ousted! When the dirty, juicy gossip that happens to be true is revealed, within all of us, at times, is the inner smirk we have knowing they “got what was coming”. However, when the tails are turned, there is a fear, and anxiety that goes beyond our comprehension for the mere fact of what may be revealed. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, increased nervousness, are all a part of this stare down with exposure.
For nearly half of my life, my time was spent inside this cocoon of embarrassment, shame, and confusion. Hopeful, yet conditioned by my environment to feel hopeless and a failure. I had no one to talk to, for those who I felt I could talk to only belittled me to the point that I knew I could not tell my story and my struggle to. The sad reality, these were “church folks”. If anyone could help me through it, if anyone could usher me from my struggles to a place of freedom, surely the people who claimed so much power and potential with God could help a young man deal with the molestation and the turmoil it had caused in his life?
Journey with me as I reveal that “weakness” of a transparent life that has not only become my strength, but my testimony as well! For those again that know me personally, this book will show a side of me that will probably cause you to look at me in a different light. Trust me when I say, it is a concern, but for the benefit of those, who like me, have spent years in “hiding”, it is worth every story, every embarrassing moment, every set back, and every defeat, so that those who flip through the pages of this book will know they are not alone!