How life made me a bitch

Owning self built businesses, building her very own empire, being pretty and powerful is an enviable life. Lunching at the Ritz, filming with large major television Production Companies with a personal hair stylist and make up artist at her every beckon call, with a fleet of high earning business men awaiting her hand for potential relationships. Self made and self reliant, a real woman of class and substance. This is my life but I wasn’t always like this; this self proclaimed self reliant woman once was a needy, desperate, broke, pathetic, naïve young lady easily manipulated and swept off her feet with as much effort as a £1.99 chicken and chips snack box. I was the definition of a hot mess! I was the girl from south London you wouldn’t take home to see mama, I was the girl that would stumble out of a club at 4 am with no shoes on, I was the type of girl who would stay in pointless, dead end relationships only to hold the title of a relationship, my level of dating was very low just as my self esteem, I compromised my morals and values for men who saw no value in me. On the outside everything was coated with a superior gloss but on the inside was lurking a longing, heart felt yearn to find and be with man of my dreams, I knew in my heart he didn’t exist and I had no choice but to settle for those who “kind of” liked me, FAKE – A – LATIONSHIPS as I like to call them. Coming from a home lacking of love and affection I searched for love in all the wrong places just like many women before me I invited betrayal, hurt, upset and humiliation into my heart through the men I chose to be with. I ran miles for men who couldn’t be bothered to give me an inch not only did I open the door to be cheated on, abandoned and beaten upon, I opened the door to some of my wildest and craziest sexual escapades of my life. Some were good, great even I’m talking weave pulling, bed braking and bed soaking but those that weren’t were gruesomely nauseating and mind numbing. It took years of mental abuse and torture, but when I finally realized I wasn’t made to be broken the world became my oyster.